Thursday, November 26, 2009


TRAVOLTA?! WILLIAMS?! TOGETHER? What a dream come true. These two hirsute behemoths colliding on celluloid will be unlike anything we've seen outside of Bear porn. But why did they get that little otter Seth Green to fill out the third role when they know that it should have been me? Look how well I fit into this poster:

Uncanny, isn't it? Our movie would be amazing: it could be about how Robin, after ODing on freebase, enlists the help of the Scientologists to save his life with their famous rehab program which has kept Travolta alive for many years despite the fact that he eats nothing but deep-fried heroin. They agree under the condition that Robin will star, alongside Travolta and an animatronic Renee Zelwegger in a series of films based on popular blogs, with all the proceeds going to the Church of Scientology. I am brought in as a technical consultant, but sparks fly on set as these twin titans of film comedy vie for my friendship and loyalty. This leads to an escalating prank war between Williams and Travolta, culminating in a disastrous ill-fated prank that shorts out the Zelwegger-bot and blinds Patton Oswalt. After this, the heads of the studio put the film on hiatus and send us all on a trust-building road trip into Southern California, where we all learn valuable life lessons working alongside Mexican migrant workers on a grapefruit farm. Pixar could CGI little faces onto the grapefruits!
Someone greenlight this shit!

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