Sunday, February 14, 2010

Dr Bronner's sexy side

I think my favorite passage from a label of Dr. Bronner's Soap (A big 1 quart bottle, not those weak little ones) is when the Doctor takes a sudden unexpected turn from his usual Christian-Marxist-Eco-Utopian blathering into... the erotic.

"Passions that quicken your senses, fulfill, quench the thirst of lonesome years! Yet, the sun has shadows: learn to control your will, to enjoy life-long happiness, not tears! Wait, rise to the stars above and thrill! Arouse the very flames of life! Sweetheart, kiss me! Hold Still! Hold still! Listen to God's reward for strife! Rosebuds, slowly woken, break budding open, delicate, sweet, so on soft fingertips, shivering up your spine, red pulsing blood, in lightning speed through your pure body's lips! Caressing deep, searching way out of sight! Oh, beautiful spirit of God's Eternal Spring, heat of passion in a warm moonlit night, ecstasy to be buried in heaven, within! Relax, then, through long, dreamless sleep, body & soul join close in life's most brilliant bliss; revealing clarity-beauty-harmony-peace, sailing on far-away sun laden ships! Yet-what-cunning-feminine-touch, can draw new desire to pulsing lips?! When-soft-hands-wander-casually-such, deftly down near lingering tips?!"

Whoa... dirty! Mind you all this is written on a bottle of soap. I wish more of my toiletries featured such smut. Would it be too much for Colgate to slap a little bit of Anais Nin erotica on my toothpaste tube? I feel like some graphic yet poetic descriptions of lesbian sex would brighten up almost anyone's brushing time.

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