Spring Break Report 2009- FATAL BONER!

Andrew, Charlie from Alaska and I went to Acapolco for a few days to stay at Andrew's girlfriend Tanya's family's condo. Early on we decided that while we were there we would pose as a lewd pop-punk band from Chula Vista called FATAL BONER. We even thought up song titles- "Wank on a Waverunner", "Handjob on a Hanglider", "Premature on a Parasail".

This was the view from our balcony:

We kept pretending it was Spring Break, but really our condo was filled with old Quebecois and Mafioso on vacation. We were the only young people around and we were sore thumbs. Here's us at the pool:



Charlie's plan for how to lure ladies back to our room is to tell them the truth: that we have the first season of the Original Star Trek on DVD! It was a fool-proof plan.

If you want to know what Fatal Boner's favorite food, is the answer is easy: Cheetos! (which are pronounced "Chitos" in Mexico, since "Chido" already means "cool")
This was so tasteless that even Fatal Boner couldn't even get down with it: this was at a scumbag bar on the strip with a Cuban theme called Mojhito. It says "Closed Today: Went to Cut Sugar Cane". Puke!

Then there was the Animal Liberation issue: Fatal Boner does not support exploitation of creepy plastic lobsters.

It wasn't all Pina Coladas, though. Sometimes the Bro Zone could get a little gully late at night. At one point my laptop screen got smashed by a flying beer bottle. Then there was the time Andrew got robbed by a Tranny. Sometimes the Boner really can be Fatal.

The busses in Acapolco are all swagged out, tryint to outdo each other with their sound systems, paint jobs and titles. We rode with Batman, who had a banging system and a Reggaeton-heavy music policy.

All the Hotels say "Reccomended by Fodors" or "Lonely Planet", whether it's true or not. These guys couldn't even crib off of their neighbors correctly.

Look out for the new Fatal Boner e.p. "Assapolco" on Fat wreck chords.

The Meat Torta

The other day I took some Finnish kids to one of their first meals in Mexico. We went to a Torta stand and they ordered the first one on the menu without finding out what it was. What they got was like 5 hot dogs, cut up, with fried ham, chorizo, steak, cheese, mayo, refried beans and avocado. They were terrified.

I made the sensible choice and got Pozole which was filled with radishes and huge gobs of pure Pork fat.

Son Jarocho

The other night I dragged some of my friends out to a bar that they consider frecsa to see musico Son Jarocho, which is a traditional, peasant kind of Mexican Mariachi music. Although the match of this hillbilly style in a classy Spanish Tapas restaurant was a bit odd, the band was very authentic and fun. All the people on stage take turns signing and dancing, especially the women, who stand in front and do a stomping kind of solo dance. It seemed from the crowd there that there is an urban revival of this style among young hipsters, much like the revival in Old-time music that has been going on in Portland and Asheville lately.

Epic Party

Last Saturday night was the convergence of Pekka's birthday party, the celebration of the arrival of a bunch of his friends from Finland, plus the afterparty for the show of Los Monjos, a punk band from Guadalahara.

So of course the party had to last for days and involve Carne Asada, Finnish liqour, candy and chewing tobacco, smashed bottles, Lesbian hipster electro DJs, self-electrocution, sketchballs, crackheads, underage girls, and general carnage.

First up, the Carne, which was made by David, Raymundo from Polka Madre's brother. He is a trained French Chef, but this night he showed off his simple mastery of American Ribs, which was an exotic and homey treat here in Mexico where sweet and meat rarely mix outside of Moles.

Below, Pekka wore his sweet Mariachi pant for thje occasion.

At far right, Ruth Selecta is Mexico City's prettiest Dub Reggae DJ. Wait, that statement is redundant in like three ways.

Below, Johnathan and Laura electrocute themselves with the Caja de Toques. Notice two bottles of Tequila empty already, and this was early on.

Twelve hours later...

New Tim and Eric season

Just caught some of the new season of Tim and Eric and I'm glad to say that they have not jumped the shark yet!

If you're in downtown D.F., check out the cafe and graphic design store Mumedi, which is filled with design magazines you've never heard of and they have good coffee and music.
It's located right near the Zocalo and they have a gallery space in the back.












And they have cool stuff on display like this Tin Tan doll.

Teyya y Marinita

Marina and Teyya stole my camera and took these photos on Marina's roof in Mexico City at about 7 AM in the midst of a party that essentially went from Thursday till Sunday night.

The Mother of all Micheladas?

After a long night of consumption the other night, Pekka the Finn took us to one of his spots: a Seafood stand in the San Juan market, just off Eje Central in downtown DF. They have really good, cheap Mariscos like Camarones en Mojo de Ajo, and they serve what might be the best Michelada ever... Those aren't ice cubes floating in there...
They are filled with oysters!
They made a very crudo day a whole lot better.

La Fonda "El Refugio"

On Moya's last night in Mexico we went out looking for a nice place for dinner. We ended up in the Zona Rosa, Mexico City's gay-bar and sex shop headquarters. We got extra hungry and desperate and ended up at La Fonda "El Refugio", a landmark restaurant that has been serving the same menu since the late 50s. We should have known what we were getting into, though, when we read on the menu that they offered "authentic" Mexican food. Why would they have to assert this if we are in the heart of Mexico City? Further cause for worry was the dining room filled with suits and the nasal sound of Midwestern American English being spoken. I looked around, thinking, I hope the Animal Blanco corporate expense account is gonna cover this.

Nevertheless our hunger compelled us to sit and order. I chose Carne Asada a la Tasbasco and Moya took a Huachilango in a red sauce with olives. We both also had a cup of the house red wine, which was small, bad, and cost 50 pesos.

The servers relentlessly pushed upcharge items to us and the other tables around us. The water came in bottles and was not free. After Moya had ordered a server came and asked if she wanted rice with that. We should have guessed that this meant "Your 200 peso entree does not some with any sides, do you want to pay extra for one?". The food was mediocre, of course. Everything was under-spiced and over-salted.

When the bill came, Moya put her foot down about the side order of rice and got all haughty with the waiter, demanding that it be taken off the bill in her lispiest Spanish accent. It was pretty rad.

Anyway, this was a perfect example of the well-known fact that a Mexican meal in a hole-in-the-wall with florescent lights and plastic chairs is worth a thousand meals in a place with "atmosphere". The best food in D.F. is probably being served curbside, and for cheap, not in tourist traps with waiters in bowties.


The next morning I took Moya on the Metro to the Airport and got her on her plane back to the States, to prepare for her trip to Brazil. So, looks like it will be the Animal Soltero show again for awhile. Adios, Shawty, I'm gonna miss u!

MF Doom Returns!

At this point I'm like cutting and pasting items from Kanye's blog. Me and Yeezy are just so sympatico!

Heres the new M.F. joint "Ballskin"- or maybe it's just a teaser. The new album Born into This drops March 23rd and it has some posthumous J Dilla production!

DOWNLOAD

Locos Peligrosos

If you are coming to Mexico city and want to stay somewhere a little classier, I recommend Hotel Finisterre on Claz. Tlapan near metro Tasquena. Moya and I splashed out on a suite for 350 pesos (about 24 dollars), which was totally worth it. It had a big double bed, cable, a good shower, maid service etc. Plus the staff treated us like royalty and let us get away with everything. The hotel is in a good location for exploring the charming historical district Colonia Coyoacan and it's close to the Bus Terminal del Sud and blue line trains at Tasquena.
When arrived we were worn out from an overnight bus, loads of Oaxacan mescal and the drama which it brings so we spent the day with the blinds drawn and watching old Mexican movies like Locos Perdidos, which is a musical comedy starring Tin Tan, who is a legend down here. Here's one of the numbers from it, "Fiesta en Habana", which also include some sweet blackface (why is this becoming a theme on this blog?)

Flo Hoops in Oaxaca

Here's the video of Moya hooping onstage at Cafe Central in Oaxaca on Valentines Day while White Animal DJs. You can only hear the crowd here, but you can tell they were way into it. This was such an epic night. The songs are "Return of the tres" by Deliquent Habits and "Pussy, Marijuana" by Brazilian Girls.

No Beirut for u!

Well there was no getting into see Beirut here in Mexico city. Both nights sold out weeks ago and apparently the scalpers would want like 1000 pesos. I guess so many people wanted to see them because they just recorded their new e.p. in Oaxaca.
I've heard it and I'm not really sure if he captured anything of Oaxaca on it, save for the mariachi horns. Definitely not on this first track, which has an electro beat that sounds like a pisstake of music from 80s educational films about science. Definitely ripe for a White Animal, remix though.

Photo rewind

Here are some photos i forgot.

First up, sorry Moya, I had to: un Michelito y un Bestito

Biznaga again. This was the Tuna with a poblano pepper and sweet pea mole.
Pescado al Pastor, such a good idea.
A sideways Biznaga cocktail, which has Guava and the house Mezcal with shaved vanilla bark.
Este is porque soy un Shaman, apparamente. Una mariposa:
Oaxaca artes.



y Los Suenos, Suenos son. Word up.
In San Cristobal, we learned that if you are a 1. Mexican, 2. Lesbian, 3. Chef, 4. On your Birthday, it's like the perfect storm of partying. Stay away from these types unless you're ready to go a la Verga.

Another round of Chilaquiles. This portion almost had the cops calling the red cross for Moya as she was lying, stuffed and incapacitated in the park afterward.
Bromance, Chiapas style.
This lady made us breakfast and told us her life story and showed us photo of her daughter's quinceanera and told us that she was lonely and invited us to go to the waterfalls with her. We were like "that's sweet, lady, but... really, we just wanted some friggin' huevos".