White Men Can't Hump

BTW, you haters will be glad to know that my book deal for "Eat, Pray, Love & Die in a Fire" has completely fallen through. An advance copy of the manuscript had found it's way into the hands of lawyers from N.O.W, the Anti-defamation League, and, oddly enough, PETA, who all threatened boycotts unless the entire project was scrapped. I feel much like Brett Ellis must have when his original screenplay for "The Breakfast Club" was shelved indefinitely for complaints about it's climactic "coke-fueled orgy of necrophilia" (this was before John Hughes picked it up and adapted it into the mild, beloved entertainment we know it as today).
So, in order to salvage what I can of my reputation, I've embarked right away on a new project- a screenplay I'm co-writing with Diablo Cody and Tracie Egan from Jezebel.com. It's going to be a post-feminist howl of despair called "White Men Can't Hump", starring Elephant Man, Beenie Man, Yellowman, Ninjaman, Method Man, Red Man, Afro Man, Dukeyman, Micheal Mann, the members of Man Man and Sasha Grey as the voice of Precious, an adorable CGI-animated sprite with superhuman capacities. Larry Clark was attached as a director, but has already stepped aside, saying the sexual content was "too risky" even for him.
Here's hoping that we find a new director before the shooting is scheduled to start in Hungary, where we are filming because, as their slogan says "You can get away with anything in Hungary!"